Thoughts For The Day

Found these on the net a while back, and thought I'd share them.

I want to die while asleep like my Dad, not screaming in terror like the passengers in his bus.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
The trouble with life is there's no background music.
I just want revenge. Is that so bad?
I may be fat, but you are ugly and I can lose weight.
Practicing Safe Sex? Give yourself a hand!
If we weren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
Practice safe sex, go fuck yourself.
If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut.
One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse flavoured cat food?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
Driver Carries No Cash, He's Married
If you can't feed 'em, Don't Breed 'Em
Your village called, Their idiot is missing
I am Not an Alcoholic.....I'm a Drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings.
Politicians and nappies both need to be changed often, and for the same reason"
If I throw a stick, will you leave?
Don't hate yourself in the morning, sleep till noon.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
If you think there is good in everyone, you haven't met everyone.